Kimiko Chaos
by crystalfox127
Summary: Konan's younger sister is wreaking havoc all over the place. And who has to suffer? Anyone that is sane, of coarse! "DIE, ACORN!" "Kimiko...NO! We do NOT hit little girls! Leave Chicken-ass alone!"
1. Pranks and Getting Lost

A/N:

Crystal: Okay, now for my first attempt at humor! I own Naruto!...in my dreams-sigh

* * *

I quietly tip-toed out of Hidan's room, the plastic bottle was still in my hand. I turned a corner and kept going down the hall. " What were you doing in Hidan's room, Kimiko-chan?" an emotionless voice asked from behind me. I made a soft 'eep!' before turning around to glare at him. " Be quiet, Pinochio! Do you want Hidan to wake up?" I whisper-yelled at him. Sasori just gave me a blank stare before his eye twitched. He took the bottle from my hand and read the words on it before a smirk found its way onto his face. " He won't be too happy about that." he said. "Oh, I know." I said with an evil smile.

We both went to the kitchen, since neither of us could sleep - he's a puppet and I'm just not tired - and I got myself some cereal while he just sat at the table - he's a puppet, he doesn't eat either! What's with your questions?!-

Soon the rest of the Akatsuki came into the kitchen: Itachi, Pein, Deidara, Tobi, Kisame, my sister Konan, Kakuzu and finally Hidan. When Hidan entered, the whole kitchen went silent and everyone stared at him. He looked pretty normal, already dressed in his Akatsuki cloak, but his hair... was pink.

I started laughing so hard that I fell from my chair, then I proceeded to roll on the ground laughing my head off. Hidan looked at me like I was crazy and his eye twitched in annoyance as well... Is it 'International Eye-twitch day'? Why didn't anybody tell me! A few other members, those that didn't have a pole shoved so far up their butts that it poked their brain, started laughing as well.

" What the f*** are you all f****** laughing at?" he asked, which only made me laugh even louder. THE PAIN! MY SIDES ARE BURNING!

"H-have you looked in the mirror lately?" I asked once I calmed down from my laughing fit. " No." He walked over to the table and took the spoon I was eating with and looked at his reflection in it.

... " WHAT THE F*** IS THIS!" His face was turning red with anger. Hahaha, victory!

Hidan must have known it was me because after a few more swear words he started to chase me around the table and after a few laps around it... I tripped. Maaaaaan, I've got skills if I managed to trip over thin air! Thus the reason I'm not a ninja. Hidan finally caught me!... Uh oh!

I took a biiiig breath of air and ..."Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" Everyone cringed at the ear splitting screech I let loose.

" Quiet!" Pein ordered and his eye twitched too... What is up with the eye-twitching, seriously! Mine hasn't twitched even once!... Oh no, does that mean... I'm WIERD?! " Yeah, un. Stop yelling! You're becoming a real pain in the neck, un!" Deidara said with a slight glare. I did a long, dramatic gasp. " So you don't want me here?!" He looked a little confused " No, I-" " Save it! If you don't want me here, I'll just pack my things and leave!" I started walking towards my bedroom before... " And since I have nothing to pack, I'll just leave." I walked toward the entrance of the hideout.

As soon as I was outside I took a deep breath... I'm gonna talk to the forest!

' Good morning, forest. What are you gonna do today?'

' I'm gonna make you get hopelessly lost, muahahahaha!'

' Never!'

I started walking in a

random direction and after a few minutes I got tired... and bored. I turned around, ready to go back to the hideout... until I realized I was lost.

' Muahahahaha! I told you I would make you get lost!'

In my mind I was swearing some colorful words at the forest. The forest, of coarse, wasn't happy about that and got revenge by dropping an acorn on my head. The acorn bounced of my head and landed in front of me. I glared at it. DIE STUPID ACORN. DIE I SAY! YOU ARE EVIL, NOW DIE!

" Whatsss thisss?" I heard a creepy voice ask from behind me... I whirled around with a smile on my face.

" Orochimaru, finally! Someone I can vent to!" He looked a bit confused with my reaction. " The forest is being mean to me! I didn't even do anything! I just asked it

' hey, what are you gonna do today?' And it was all like ' I'm gonna make you get lost' and I was like ' never' and then I ACTUALLY got LOST! And then-" I looked around. And noticed he was gone... I'll just have to find him again!

After a few minutes of walking I found him and Kabuto in a clearing. I ran out into the clearing " There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!" ...Okay, maybe not EVERYWHERE " As I was saying before you left-" his eye twitched... SERIOUSLY!?

" What do you want?" Kabuto asked. " I just wanted to ask you a question." I said. " What do you want to know?" he asked again.

" Do you have any explosive clay?" I asked, but I already knew the answer. " No." " Explosive bunnies?" " No." " Explosive diarrhea?" "No." "... Explosive tags?" " Yes." Haha, sweet! " Can I see one?" He took a tag out of the pouch on his leg and I stepped closer to him to look at it. I then took the explosive tag from him and pretended to be 'examining' it.

" Is this a fake?" I asked. " No, its real" " Are you sure?" " Yes, why wouldn't I be?" " And you're also sure it wasn't replaced with a fake one?" " Yes, I'm sure. Besides, who would replace it with a fake?" "... The magical Tiki-torches." I said in a deadpan voice... Both Orochimaru and Kabuto's eyes twitched... WHY!... Ooh! Revenge!

I tied the tag to a kunai " Let's see if it is real!" I held the kunai in both my hands and stretched my arms out in front of me, before spinning around a few times and then letting the kunai go. I looked at the trees I just came from " Where did the kunai go?" I did the seal to activate it and then 'BOOM!' I smiled as I heard Orochimaru and Kabuto scream. I turned around and looked at them... Then I stated laughing. Their eyebrows were gone and their hair was standing upright! They looked pissed... TIME TO MAKE LIKE A TREE AND LEAF! I bolted away from there as fast as I could, with Kabuto and Orochimaru right on my heels. I finally saw the hideout come into view... when did I get back here? Ah well! I'm almost safe!... Until Kabuto tackled me to the ground. "I'm going to make you pay for doing that!" He seemed pretty serious about that, so I did the only thing I could think of. I yelled. "RAAAAAAPE!


	2. FUN!

Crystal: Finally! The second chapter of Kimiko Chaos! WARNING: ATTEMPTS AT HUMOR!

Sakura: crystalfox127 doesn't own Naruto, if she did Shino would be dressed up as a fairy and would keep singing 'Butterfly' the whole time.

Shino: -shudders-

Crystal: That's right! Be afraid, be very afraid! Muahahaha!

* * *

My sister is scary sometimes...no, I'm serious. She may seem all 'peaceful' and stuff, but she scares the living orangutans out of me sometimes. The moment I yelled ", my sister was already outside the hideout. Kabuto didn't even notice her until she kicked him in the face, dragged him off of my back and proceeded to beat the smoke out of him... Wait a minute! Kabuto isn't a smoker, is he?...Bleh, who cares, he's still getting beaten up by a girl! I decided to laugh at his pain. "Hahahahahaha!" Once Kabuto was unconscious, my sister took the rest of her anger out on Michael Jackso- I mean Orochimaru! Yeah, that's totally what I was gonna say! Ehem, anyway! I think Orochimaru was kinda scared of Konan-nee-chan, because not even 5 minutes into the 'fight' (AKA Konan beating him to a bloody pulp) he decided to grab the still unconscious Kabuto and RUN as though the hounds had been unleashed and were planning on making him their new chew toy. Yeah...my sister terrifies even the toughest men, so imagine how poor Oro-chan and Kabuto must have felt. "Are you okay? Did they hurt you?-" "I'm fine, I'm fine. Thanks for the save, Nee-chan!" She smiled at me. YAY, she wasn't in her evil-and-going-to-kill-someone mood anymore... Oh, yeah! Did I mention that my sister is completely bipolar? No? Well I did now!

We entered the hideout and saw Itachi, Kisame, Hidan and Kakuzu in the living room. No one had the guts to follow my sister out when I had yelled, 'cause they know what happens to anyone that causes harm to me. "Who's cooking dinner?" Kisame asked. I jumped around with my hands up in the air shouting "MEEE! Me, me! Pick me!" the whole time. "Sure, you get to cook tonight." Konan-nee-chan said as the others all shared a look of 'holy-crap-is-she-trying-to-kill-us-all?' but kept their protests to themselves. I gave a high-pitched squeal before running off to Deidara's room. Don't give me that look! You cook your way and I'll cook my way! I 'borrowed' some of Dei's clay -Ooh, that rhymed! Dei's clay, Dei's clay, Dei's clay- and made my way back to the kitchen. I put the clay in refrigerator, just in case a certain blonde pyromaniac walked in, and started on dinner. I was going to make a new type of meal...I called it 'Chicken-a-la-fish'...basically its just chicken and fish. After I finished chopping everything I started walking to the refrigerator . "So, what's for dinner?" I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face Kisame. "Fish!...and chicken!" He suddenly looked horrified. "FISH! I CAN'T EAT FISH! THAT'D MAKE ME A CANIBAL! NOOOO!" I stared at him. And stared. And stared. And stared. Konan chose that exact moment to walk into the kitchen. "What are you two doing?" I looked at her with fake tears in my eyes. "KISAME SAID MY FOOD IS YUCKY AND HE DIDN'T EVEN TRY IT YET! WAAAH!" Kisame must have seen the murderous look in her eyes, because five seconds later he ran out of the kitchen, screaming like a girl, with Konan-nee-chan chasing him. "Perfect! Now I can continue cooking in peace!" I put the fish and chicken in a baking pan, took the clay out of the fridge and started putting pieces of clay in between the food. No, I don't know how an oven works, so I'm doing it the FUN way! While I was cooking I started to sing the My Little Pony theme song. "What are you torturing in here, un?!" Deidara asked as he entered the kitchen with his hands covering his ears... Don't his hands have mouths on them? Eww! "Nothing." I said as I put the an explosive tag on top of the food and clay. I ran out of the kitchen and did the handsigns to activate the tag...' BA-BAAANG!'...hey, wait a minute! Wasn't Dei still in there? I ran into the kitchen to find Dei stuck in the wall. Yup, IN the wall. I must have used too much clay. Everyone else suddenly ran into the kitchen as I checked on my food. The fish and chicken were charcoaled. "Deidara..." I think Pain is angry, don't you? "What have I told you about blowing stuff up inside the hideout?!" Yup, he's angry. "Who blew what up? That was me cooking!" I scowled at him. "Cooking...?" I smiled brightly "Yes, cooking! Oh, and dinner is ready!" I held the pan of VERY crispy fish and chicken out towards them. "Is that even edible?" Kakuzu asked. And cue waterworks from me! "Y-yes... " Konan-nee-chan glared at all of them and one by one they got themselves plates and started to dish up the food. I, of coarse, had a secret stash of candy in my room, so I told everyone I wasn't hungry. Nee-chan kept an eye on all of them to make sure they ate their food. She probably also has a stash of candy of chocolate somewhere, since she didn't eat either.

After 'dinner' it was time for bed! Everyone looked a bit sick... Except

Nee-chan, Sasori and I. I wonder why...

Now, if there is one thing I hate the most, it has to be being bored. And if there is one thing you DO NOT want, it's a bored me. Why? Simple, because whenever I get bored, I tend to wreak havoc for my own personal entertainment.

Right now, I am bored. Out. Of. My. Mind! It's the middle of the night and I should probably be sleeping like everyone else, but I'm not tired at all... Ah, what the hell! Time for some pranks!

I quietly got out of my bed, got a few 'supplies' from my closet and off my desk and snuck out of my room and into the dark hallway. Night time was the best time for pranks, trust me, I know that for a fact! I navigated the maze of shadows and dark hallways until I reached the room of my first victim. Itachi Uchiha. I quietly opened the door and peeked inside. Most people would think that the Uchiha prodigy was a light sleeper and that he'd wake up in an instant, ready to fight, at even the smallest noise... They are dead wrong! He's actually a very deep sleeper and it takes him 3 whole minutes to get out of 'sleepy mode', as I call it, in the mornings. This was very lucky for me, since he didn't even stir when I tripped over thin air, again, while I was making my way across his room. Once managed to get back on my feet I silently crept towards his bathroom. Itachi is also a neat-freak. His bathroom is always spotless...creepy. -.-' I opened his bathroom cupboard and searched for... Aha, his toothpaste! I unscrewed the cap and squeezed about half of the tube's contents out, then I proceeded to pour cherry flavored syrup in and mix it with a very thin stick I picked up in the forest yesterday. Uchihas hate sweet stuff...probably because they're always in such a sour mood. I then took out my secret weapon... DANGO! Stop looking at me like I'm a freak! Anyway, this is special dango, its filled with a SUPER HOT hotsauce! Itachi loves dango( which is weird, because dango is usually sweet and he HATES any other sweet things) and he definitely wouldn't want to turn this down! Along with this is water that contains a special laxative that doesn't have any color, smell or taste. Not only will it give him a runny tummy, it'll intensify the burn from the hotsauce. After putting the dango and water onhis nightstand I exited the room and closed the door behind me. Onwards to my next victim! Now, I know what you're thinking! 'Sasori's a puppet, he doesn't sleep!' And yes, you are correct, but see, at night Sasori goes to the living room to watch TV. That leaves me with a window of opportunity! I slipped into his room and made my way over to his bed, because as soon as he is done watching TV, he comes to lie down on his bed and read. I took the jar of termites out of my bag and threw them under the covers. After I was sure all the termites were out of the jar, I put it away and left the room again. Next victim! Kisame!

Kisame's door was wide open, as though he was inviting me to prank him! I entered his room and rummaged through my bag for all the necessary items. First, I took the chocolate sauce and smeared it on all the doorknobs I could see in his room, since both his bedroom and bathroom doors were wide open. Then I made my way to his bathroom. I then took out his toothpaste too and squeezed all of it out. I then replaced it with fish paste and no, I'm not telling you how I did it! I also swapped his hairgel with fish-oil before quietly making my way towards the door. I was almost at the door when Kisame let out a giant snore! I jumped, fell backwards and hit the foot rest of the bed. Oh, gross! His foot is next to my face!... Hey, hold up! I have an idea! I took out some hot pink nail polish... Muahahahaha! I painted his toenails, snickered a bit at how pink is sooo not his color and then I made my way out of the room. Now, for the next target! Kakuzu! He is also a pretty deep sleeper. Kakuzu's room is creepy. Not because there are weird things in there or anything, but just cause its his room. Now, Kakuzu keeps all his money underneath his bed, so I decided that the best way to annoy/anger him would be to take his cash! And that's exactly what I did... That and I took his stitches out and replaced them with dental floss. I decided that was enough for Kakuzu and left his room. Next target: Deidara. He would pay for insulting my singing! I crept into his room and found him fast asleep. First I took all his hair ties, then I replaced all his clay with play dough and finally! I decided he needed a makeover! So I put ridiculous amounts of blush, eyeliner, eyeshadow and lipstick on the sleeping blonde before running out of his room, laughing like a maniac the whole time! I was starting to feel tired, so I went back to my room. Besides, I wouldnt dare to prank my sister or Pein and Hidan's prank would have to happen tomorrow. I crawled into my bed and fell asleep very quickly.

* * *

Crystal: Review please! If you do I'll get Shino to put on the fairy costume and sing!

Shino: No! Never! -runs out of room-

Crystal: Review! Please!-takes out giant butterfly net and chases after Shino-

Sakura: Umm... Come again soon?


	3. Friends and revenge!

Friends and revenge are a lovely combination!

I woke up before everyone else this morning, which is weird because I have only slept about 4 hours. The sun isn't up yet, which is perfect because I still need to finish my last prank! I got out of bed, took a shower, got dressed and brushed my hair and teeth. Afterwards I slipped out of the hideout and made my way to a small village that's close by. Once I was there I bought an expensive breakfast at a cafe, bought a special scythe(you'll find out later), two new sets of clothes and... A HAMSTER! So, afterwards I made my way back to the hideout and put away the clothes I bought and put Squishy the hamster in my jacket pocket... What?! I can name him whatever I want! Anyway, after that I took the scythe to Hidan's room, since he was probably awake by now, along with everyone else. He was awake and his bedroom door was open, so I didn't have to knock. "Yo, Hidan!" I called and he looked at me suspiciously. "What the f*** do you want?" he asked and it took everything in my power to not punch him through the face, but if I did then my entire plan for him falls apart. I need to act nice for the next... five minutes. "I wanted to apologize for yesterday's prank...so I got you a gift!" I handed him the scythe and he looked at me suspiciously. Now, the reason I got him a scythe was because Hidan has a collection of scythes, kind of like Sasori's collection of puppets. "Where'd you get the money to buy this? It must have cost a s***load of money! How the f*** did you pay for it?" I smiled... "I use all of Kakuzu's money to buy the scythe" I said ' and the clothes and the breakfast... AND SQUISHY THE HAMSTER!' I added that part in my head only, no need to say it to the guy that was possibly going to chase me and try to kill me. "What the f***! He's going to f***ing kill you for that!" Oh no, what ever will I do? I left Hidan's room and walked a few minute when I saw Kakuzu storming through the halls yelling "WHO STOLE MY MONEY?! I'LL KILL YOU WHEN I FIND YOU!" He saw me and stomped all the way over to me. "Hey, Kakuzu!" "Do you know who stole my money? Or maybe you stole it!" "Yeah, I know who stole it" I said nonalchantly with a shrug. "WHO!?" he yelled. "Well, Hidan bought himself a new scythe with it." I said, trying to keep a grin from spreading on my face. "He WHAT?!" "Yeah. I saw him earlier with the new scythe and asked him where he got it. Then he told me 'I used all of Kakuzu's money to buy it' and then I was like 'ALL of Kakuzu's money?' and then he was all like 'Yeah, this thing was very expensive' and I was like 'Ooh, he is gonna kill you' and then he was all like 'No he won't, because I'm gonna tell him you bought it for me' and then I said 'Why would Kakuzu ever believe that? I would never buy you a gift!' and then I left his room." Kakuzu looked ready to murder someone... three guesses on who that someone is! He stormed off in the direction of Hidan's room, VICTORY, and a few minute later you could hear Hidan screaming like those girls in the horror movies. I decided to go to the kitchen for a snack, only to find last night's prank victims waiting for me. "We've been expecting you, Kimiko-chan." Sasori said. He had holes everywhere in his wooden body, thanks to my trusty termite friends. "Ahh! Sasori's swiss cheese!" I yelled and Sasori glared at me. Ouch, meanie. "You're going to pay for doing this to all of us, un." Deidara, hair down and still wearing the truck load of waterproof make up, said and took a frightening step forward. "Sorry, I already spent both my and Kakuzu's money, so I'm kind of broke." I said. "See! I told you that she was the one that spent it!" I whirled around and found Hidan and Kakuzu standing in the doorway, both of them looking furious. "You are going to pay for all those pranks!" Kisame growled at me before smiling a creepy-sadistic-killer-smile and adding " because both Pein AND your sister are away on a week-long mission." I gulped. I had completely forgotten about that... Uh oh! I bolted out of there as fast as I could, heading towards the entrance to the hideout. "GET BACK HERE UN!" Deidara yelled behind me. I, being a mature young lady, yelled " Run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread-man!" before darting out of the hideout and into the woods. Once I was finally a safe distance away I sat underneath a tree and took Squishy out of my pocket. Apparently he had been asleep the whole time. I sighed as I began to pet Squishy. I won't be able to go back to the hideout until Nee-chan returns, and I don't want to be a hobo that lives in the woods for a whole week... Time to call in the troops, time to bring out the big guns! I took out the notebook and pen I always kept in my jacket pocket and started to write a bunch of identical letters. Then I made my way to the village where I bought the scythe. I searched for some carrier pigeons, and after a while I found an old man that allowed me to use a few of his carrier pigeons for free. I folded the letters to as small as they could possibly go, put it in the little container around the pigeons' legs and gave them the coordinates they had to fly to. They soon flew off and I made my way back to the woods. I played with Squishy for a while, before getting tired and falling asleep.

? POV

A pigeon landed just outside my open window. It had a message strapped to its leg. Now who would send me a message? I opened it and immediately recognized the terrible, barely readable handwriting. Only Kimiko was capable of such ugly writing. I tried to decipher the letter, and after ten minutes I had FINALLY figured out what the hell she had written. As I read it again and again and again, a smirk made its way onto my face. This would be very fun! And it sounds like Kimi is going to invite the others as well... Oh yeah. Whoever made Kimiko angry or upset enough to call us in, had a lot of guts...or they are just really stupid. Either way, they had better be prepared, because they have a world of pain and humiliation is awaiting them.

Kimiko POV

Sleeping on the ground was actually very comfortable...if I ignored the twigs in my hair, the bugs that were crawling over ma and the fact that my back was killing me because I had lied down on some rocks and stones. Yeah... OH NO! Where's Squishy? I got up and started running around searching for Squishy. After about a half hour I found him...in a tree? So actually, Squishy the hamster was, in fact, Squishy the NINJA hamster? No way, this was awsome! Go Squishy, go Squishy! After a full two minutes of dancing to 'Go Squishy, it's your birthday' I decided to save my loyal hamster from the evil clutches of Tree-zilla! Now there were a few problems with my plan like, for example, the tree was as high as a hippie on weed, or another example, Squishy had somehow managed to climb to the very top of the tree... And my not-so-bright idea to save him? Climb the tree, of coarse! I climbed all the way to the top of the huge tree and picked Squishy up. I love my Squishy! And then it was time to get down, which went well until... 'SNAP!' Oh crud! I fell all the way from the top, hitting every single branch on this side of the tree on the way down, before landing quite hardly on the ground. The forest is probably still mad at me for swearing at it, huh?

"Beautiful landing! Ten out of ten!" That voice! Could it be? But it was! They're here early! "Yep! You could only wish you were as skilled and as graceful as me, Yukari!" I called over to my redheaded friend as she and all the others made their way towards me. "Are you okay?" Ah, sweet little Yuki. The girl was always worrying about others, which is the exact reason she was a medical ninja. She quickly came closer and healed me. Yay! She made my booboo disappear! After she finished healing all of my wounds, I glomped her. Why? Because I can, so ha! In your face! After I finally let go, the rest of the girls glomped ME! Why? How the hell should I know? After they let go we all just stared at each other. "So, who are our targets and why?" I then proceeded to tell them about the pranks and how they chased me out of the hideout. By the end of the story all the girls were on the ground, laughing their heads off. "Okay, so what's the plan for revenge?" Ami, my adorable, but evil, pink-haired friend asked. She was a bit of a ditz at times, but when it came to pranks she was like an ultimate mastermind. "I think we should let Kimi-chan be the leader. It's her revenge." Mai said as she flipped a strand of her black hair over her shoulder. "Yeah!" Yukari cried and glomped me. T~T I feel so loved! "So, do you have an idea?" Ami asked me. She was burning to cause some trouble, but then again, when wasn't she? I gave an evil smile. "How good are you guys at transformations?" They all gave ma a 'duh' look, before Mai said "We're trained ninja. What do you think?" Yeah, yeah. My friends are ninja and I'm not, stop rubbing it in my face you racist! "Whatever. Anyway, here's what we are going to do..." After I explained the plan, they all grinned and 'poofed', haha its a funny word, into identical copies of me. Let the games begin.

Yukari's POV

I quickly slipped into the Akatsuki hideout and made my way to the rooms of my specific targets. First up: Sasori no Akasuna. This should be interesting. As I entered the room I noticed lots and lots of puppets...creepy. I walked deeper into the room and- Oh hell! That one's staring at me! His eyes are following me! The puppet with the red hair suddenly stood up... Oh~ so this is Sasori? "Back so soon, Kimiko? I thought we'd gotten rid of you." I smiled. I still looked like Kimiko, which meant he wouldn't expect me to be able to fight back. "Yip! The forest got boring." He smirked at my answer. "I still intend to get you back for what you did." he said as he started walking towards me, but before he could even reach me he stopped dead in his tracks, looking very surprised. I smiled. "What's wrong? I thought you wanted payback." I taunted. He growled before looking me in the eye and saying "I can't move." Geez, really? That's kind of obvious, wooden boy. "Yeah, I know." I watched as his eyes widened. Oh, he finally figured out I wasn't Kimiko? "Who are you and what did you do to me?" He asked and I started doubting his mental capacity. "I am a chocolate cow and you can't move because you are in awe of my awesomeness!" I said. Did he actually expect an honest answer? Yeah, right! I made him move forward with my wood(and plant) manipulation ability and took some wires out of my kunai pouch. He wouldn't be able to escape from these wires, so I tied him up and gagged him with a sock. Then I left the room in search of my next target.

Ami POV

Once I was inside the hideout I quickly set to out to find my target, following all the directions Kimi had given me. I finally reached the room of my target and entered...oh gross, it smells like fish in here. "Why, hello Kimiko-chan. Ready for revenge?" Heh, was I ever? I turned around to face a fish dude with blue skin, that explains the smell, smirked at him. "Yep, how about you, Tuna-face?" He growled. He then started running towards me, but I moved away at the last minute and stuck my foot out, effectively tripping mr. Sardine. He got up and charged at me again, but this time he slipped on a puddle of water. I laughed openly at his failed attempt to stand up, because the puddle of water was now frozen into a slippery layer of ice. Yep, I can control water and ice, it totally rules. He tried again and again to stand up, all with no success. "You! You're the one doing this! You're not Kimiko!" "Well,duh! Of coarse I'm not Kimiko! I'm actually a ninja!" He glared at me. The son of a Tunafish actually glared at me! Bad fishy! "Who are you?" he yelled at me. "Your worst nightmare, muahahahaha!" Lightning flashed in the background. Yeah, that's right! Be very afraid of the psyco with an addiction to chocolate covered popcorn! I condensed some water from the atmosphere and tied him up in large, solid ice chains. He wasn't going ANYWHERE! I ran out of the room to look for target number two. Muahahaha!

Yuki POV

Hmm...okay, go straight, then left, then right, then left...or was it go left, then straight, then right, then left? Uh oh... I'm lost in the middle of a criminal hideout that's full of people that could kill ma and- Ooh! I think that's my target! He looks like he could be... Ah well, I'll follow him anyway! It's better than being lost! The man entered a room, his room presumably? I quickly followed him and slipped into the room as well. "Why are you following me?" He turned around to face me. "Kimiko? I see you're back. I intend to get you back for that dango prank." He said as the black commas in his red eyes started swirling around. "Mangekyo Sharingan!" He cried and THEN...nothing, nada, zilch, zippo! He looked very surprised that it didn't work. I'm guessing that not many people can escape that ability? "Who are you? Kimiko can't avoid my Mangekyo Sharingan, I've used it on her before, so I know that for a fact." Aww! I was hoping he wouldn't figure it out so quickly! Hmm, oh well! I quickly did a summoning jutsu and summoned my trusty pack of... CHUPECABRAS! Not the most normal summon, I know, but they're very quick and very strong! They ran at him, but he avoided every single one of their attacks! Wow, he was very fast! I pouted. This wasn't fair at all! I focused some chakra into my hand and ran at him from behind while he was distracted with my precious little chupecabras. I aimed a punch at his back, but he ducked, causing one of my pets to crash into me and send me to the ground. Okay, now I was mad! I quickly got up with the chupecabra that had crashed into me at my side. I took out some kunai with tags attached to them out of my kunai pouch and threw them at the guy. He doged them, but only seemed to to notice the tags at the last minute before jumping away. He seemed a little confused at the fact that the tags didn't go off, but I quickly grabbed more kunais with tags attached to them and launched them at him. He once again dodged and jumped away. This process repeated itself a few more times until "Sealing jutsu: A hundred tags binding jutsu!" The tags all glowed yellow before beams of yellow shot out of them and wrapped around the guy, Itachi, effectively trapping him. I released my summoned chupecabras before looking at him. Somewhere during the fight my transformation had disappeared, leaving me with my usual white-blonde hair and ice blue eyes. "Why didn't it work?" he asked, sounding genuinely confuzed. "What, that sharinan, or what ever?" I asked. "Yes, my Mangekyo Sharingan. Its an illusionary technique that allows me to make the victim suffer mental torture over and over again for 72 hours... Why didn't it affect you?" I smiled. Now I understood why nothing happened. "No genjutsu of any sort can affect me. I'm not sure why, but that's just how it is." I smiled and gave a small bow. Then I left the room quickly, ready to search for my next target. If I don't get lost, that is.

Mai POV

I never thought it would be so easy to sneak into the hideout of a group of S-ranked criminals. I quickly and quietly made my way through the hallways. I knew exactly where I would find my target, thanks to all Kimiko's vivid explanations of this place's layout. After taking a few turns I reached the room of my target. I entered the room confidently entered the room by kicking the door open and making a grand entrance. The masked man looked up at me. "Kimiko! You still owe me money and if I don't get it back-" I tuned the rest of his money rant out. It was boring anyway. "-and...are you even listening to me?!" I snapped awake from where I'd fallen asleep on my feet. "What about a purple duck?" I asked with a yawn. He decided to quit the speech and charged at me. I deftly flipped over him and ran to his bed, picking up a wad of money. "The hell? Where did you learn to-" he cut himself off as he stared at the money in my hand. I brought my other hand up and put my chakra in it, causing flames to encase my whole hand. "One more step and your precious cash here becomes ash, got it?" He glared at me, but didn't make any attempts to move towards me again. Did this money really mean that much to him? Weird. I did a few handsings with my free, but flaming, hand and a cage of white flames surrounded him. I threw the wad of cash on the floor and a cage of flames surrounded it as well. "These two cages are connected. If you do anything to try and escape your cage, your money gets burned to a crisp. If you can somehow make your money leave the cage, you'll become barbecue." And with that I left the crazy frugal dude to weep over his money...freak! Time to hunt down my next target! I ran through the hallways, searching for my second target.

Ami POV

I ran through more random hallways looking for the guy I had to capture. Kimiko said he looks like a lady. A shock of blonde hair caught my attention and I ran in the direction the (wo)man was going in. He went into a room and I quickly followed. Once he saw me he grinned "Kimi-chan, what are you doing back so soon, un? Are you looking to get blown up, un?" I looked at him "Nope! An old dude told me they need a new attraction at the circus, so I told them I had a monkey and now I came to get you!" He looked outraged. Perfect! He threw little white pieces of clay at me and I covered them in ice while they were mid-air. He then did a handsign, but nothing happened. "What?" He looked shocked while I smirked. "Something wrong with your play dough?" I taunted. He got mad and threw more little clay figures at me, but I coated them in a layer of ice as well. He did the handsign again and...nothing. I giggled at him. "How did you do that, un? And who the hell are you?" He looked beyond furious and that made me laugh. "I put a layer of ice around your clay. Since my chakra, which is in the ice itself, covers your clay you can't put your chakra in it to make it go boom!" I said happily. He growled a me before running towards me. Suddenly a wall of ice shot up out of nowhere, yeah right, and he crashed right into it. His face was all squashed against the ice and I took this momentary distraction as a chance to wrap him in ice chains as well. My two targets were taken care of, now I just had to wait for the other girls to finish. Oh, what fun!

Yukari POV

I ran through the hideout, searching for my next target. Where the snooze was he? Well, Kimi did tell me that he was very elusive, but I would still find him! I bet my new caterpillar on it! After a few more minutes a giant venus suddenly appeared from the ground and- OH! Wait, this is my next target? Cool! "Hey uh..." I looked at the names Kimiko had scribbled down on my handpalm. "Oh, Zetsu! Yeah, hey Zetsu!" "Kimiko-san, you understand that the others will kill you if they find you in here, right?" Hmm...Zetsu doesn't seem to be such a bad guy,he just looks kind of weird, I guess. "Yeah. I know." "You also realize they'd be very mad at me if I didn't capture you?" On second thought, I take back what I said just now, time for some action! "Uhh..." "Let's get her!" His voice sounded different now, I'm guessing this is 'black side', as Kimiko calls him. He started to run towards me before I disappeared in a swirl of red rose petals. He stopped for a second, only to be bound by vines growing out of the ground. "Who ever you are, you are not Kimiko-san" the white side told me. "That means we can eat you!" the black side cried out happily. Eww... He eats human flesh? I didn't know that... DA HELL! HE WANTS TO EAT ME? MOMMY!...Nah, not really. I'm cooler than that! I reappeared in a swirl of petals, I was now right in front of him. "You are right, you overgrown weed! I'm not Kimiko." I said... maybe if I didn't comment on the whole 'eating me' thing, he'd forget about it? "I'm not an overgrown weed! TT^TT" I almost felt sorry for him...key word: almost. He wouldn't be going anywhere, so for now, my work was done. Yay! I didn't get eaten! Whoop! Go Yukari!

Mai POV

I was searching again. I already knew where to go to find him. Take a left, continue straight until you've passed three doors, go right at the next hallway... I eventually found the door I was looking for. I twisted the knob, ready to open it, then I thought 'screw it!' And I kicked the door so hard it broke off its hinges and hit the wall on the far side of the room. "What the f***!? Huh? Kimiko? Why are you back here you little-" again I tuned out the little speech. Honestly, I didn't give a damn what he thought or said! I had to help Kimiko. I looked st the white-haired man, Hidan or as Kimi calls him...Hidan. He had FINALLY stopped his rant and- Holy cactus-cream! I dogged the scythethat was aimed at my head. Son of a mushroom! He already figured out who I was? "Yeah, better believe it b****! I know that you're not Kimiko!" Did he...just read my mind? Hmm...I wonder how he figured it out. "I figured it out when you kicked the f***ing door down! Kimiko isn't that strong!" He wanted to kill me, didn't he? No? LIAR! Anyway, I got into a fighting stance. For a few moments we just stared at each other. A piece of tumblewood(?) rolled past us. Then we charged at each other. My sword made of flamed hit his scythe and broke it in half. I used my fire cage on him as well. This was actually kind of easy. Boring!

Yuki POV

I ran around, going in random directions and down random hallways. I was utterly and completely lost. Oh fish nuggets! Where the hell am I?! I turned around only to be met with a giant orange swirl. "Hello! Tobi's name is Tobi! Who are you, girl-chan?" Huh? Why is he- Oh! I didn't put my transformation up again, did I? "I'm Yuki!" I said. He didn't seem so bad, he actually seemed kind of nice. The orange swirl was actually an orange mask. Yay! I found my second target, even if I got lost! "Hey, Tobi-kun?" "Yes, Yuki-chan?" "I'll give you candy if you let me tie you up. And I'll give you chocolate too if you don't escape." I know, I know. This isn't how I'm supposed to capture him, but he seems so innocent and harmless, so I don't wanna be mean to him! "Okay!" He chirped happily. I tied him up quickly and smiled. "I'll give you lots of cookies too, Tobi-kun!" "Tobi is a good boy, so Yuki-chan doesn't have to give Tobi candy. Tobi will be good." I couldn't resist it anymore! I glomped him. "So CUUUTE!" If he didn't have a mask on, I would pinch his cheeks! My job was finished now...maybe Tobi knows his way around this place 'cause I am hopelessly lost.

Kimiko POV

Everyone brought their respective targets into the living room and released the transformation jutsus, revealing my friends. We tied the guys securely to the chairs, put on the TV and put a marathon of My Little Pony and Barney episodes in the dvd player. Revenge! Muahahahahaha. We started it up and left the room. After a few seconds we heard the guys yelling in pain and Tobi going "YAY!"

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Review! Please! Please please!


	4. Everybody's plotting something!

Newest chapter of Kimiko Chaos! Yay! now, know updated in a while, but really sorry! The idea for the Akatsuki's 'plot'(which will be revealed in the next chapter) belongs to mr. grimjaw! He's really awesome guys!

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Everybody's plotting something!...I think?

The rest of the week in my sister's absence was rather calm... I know, weird, right? But the rest of the time was spent catching up with the girls - hearing about their new lives, families and jobs. It was pretty fun. Right now we were thinking of something that we could do that would end our boredom and annoy the boys. "I got it!" Yukari yelled as the rest of us covered our ears. "Okay, so... LET'S PLAY DRESS-UP!" The rest of us all looked at her with a 'WTF!' expression. No, seriously, wtf? "With the boys, you dummies!" she said while glaring at us. We all shrank back, cowering in fear of Yu-zilla. The girl was scary sometimes. "Hmm...actually, that sounds like it could make good blackmail material." Ami said. "See?" Yukari exclaimed as she jumped for joy. I just grinned evilly and the others soon followed in suit. The rest of the girls decided to leave to go shop for outfits while I searched for make-up. After I found all the necessary items, I threw them all in a duffelbag and carried it to the living room. Then I made my way to the kitchen to make some coffee. Now, this wasn't normal coffee, because by use of super-special-top-secret-that-you-have-never-heard-of ingredients it would make even the laziest person become as hyper as a bunny on crack. I put the special brew of coffee in a special hiding spot - it was for later use. Just then the girls walked into the kitchen with LOTS of shopping bags. "Let the fun and torture commence!" Ami and Yukari yelled at the same time, leading to Mai hitting both of them on the head. OOH-OOH! Go Maaaiiiiiiiii! Everyone stared at me, I stared at Yuki, she then looked away and stared at Ami instead, who stopped staring at me, looked at Yuki and proceeded to stare at Yukari, who then also looked away from me, maturely stuck her tongue out at Ami and then started to stare at Mai, who quickly glanced at Yukari and stared back at me with a look that said 'help! I'm being molested by sharks!'...was she talking about Kisame? The son of a muffin! I'll kill him! "Okay, ending our 'one-of-a-kind' staring contest... LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!" I yelled and ran to the living room with the other girls right behind me. The girls then dumped all their shopping bags on the floor and went to capture the guys again. Twenty minutes later their all in the living room and some of them are looking scared...MUAHAHAHA! Alright, who's first... AHA! "Bring Deidara, he'll be the firts vict- I mean, he'll be the first test subject!... Oh, wait, that's not right either. Ah well, just bring him over!" We started with Deidara, who kept trying to bit us with his hand-mouths and screaming rape, and then continued to give all the boys hilarious outfits and terrible make-up. By the end of the day, Deidara was a very pretty, very girly, very PINK princess, Sasori was a green-haired exploding clown, Itachi was a purple fairy with lots and lots and lots of glitter, Kisame was a mermaid, with a wig and the shell-bra, Kakuzu was a poor hobo dressed in ripped clothing, Hidan was an easter egg with real chocolate on th inside, Zetsu was a weed-eater,so he was basically his own worst nightmare, and Tobi was a lollipop...yeah, just a lollipop. We then took pictures of the boys and I then left to the kitchen. Time for... La Secret Weapon! My crazy coffee! It drives the user all the way to the looney bin and back! Woohoo! I made six cups of 'super coffee' and handed one to each of the girls and one...to Tobi. Yeah, it's gonna be a nightmare. I also drank a cup of it and...BAM! HEEEEAAAAA! Yukari grabbed a potted plant and told Zetsu it was his mother and she was going to kill it before running off with Zetsu right behind her. Mai had pulled a butcher's knife out of who-knows-where and told Kisame that she wanted sushi for lunch. Kisame ran out of the room before she even finished her sentence. Yuki had summoned her pack of Chupecabras and was playing a game 'Go Fish' with them for a prize - the winner gets to put Itachi through the shredder in Pain's office. Ami had tied Hidan and Kakuzu up in ice chains and hung them from the ceiling before pulling a metal pole from nowhere, blindfolding herself and yelling 'Pinyata!' as she tried to hit Kakuzu and Hidan. I joined in with the pinyata game.

7 HOURS LATER - Kisame POV

I was tired. "That damn Mai girl wanted to make sushi out of me!" I yelled. "Yeah, un! Kimiko hit me over the head with a baseball bat!" Deidara said, sounding angry. "At least you weren't tied to the ceiling!" Kakuzu yelled as Hidan let loose a string of swear words. "I agree. This has gone too far. If Kimiko had been by herself it would be alright, but now all her crazy friends are here too...at this rate we'll be dead before Saturday." Itachi said. He looked unscathed, which made all of us look at him funny. "They stuck raw bacon in the walls of my bathroom and now there are flies everywhere." he said. "She killed my mother... I'LL KILL HER AND EAT HER FOR THAT!" Zetsu hollered. "Well, why don't we just get rid of them?" I asked and everyone looked at me like I had grown a second head that kept singing 'I'm a barbie girl'. "Did Kisame just...have an idea?" Kakuzu asked. That's insulting! I always have ideas, but they just always say my ideas are stupid!

"But it could work." Itachi said. We started planning our...plan? We would execute it tomorrow. Then we'll finally have some peace!

Kimiko POV

I yawned as I walked over to my room. It had been a long, fun day for me, but now I'm pooped! I walked into my room and went to my closet to get dressed in my pj's. Then I took Squishy out of the jacket pocket of the jacket I wore today. I gathered Squishy in my arms and went to lie down in my bed. I started dreaming about Squishy being six stories tall, chasing a Hidan made of brocoli through a desert. Ah, peaceful sleep.

The next morning I got a very rude awakening... How rude, you ask? Or maybe you didn't but I'm just going to pretend you did. Well, first I heard Deidara threaten to blow Tobi up, but since I didn't give a damn I kept my eyes closed. I heard Yukari tell me to wake up, but since I still didn't give a damn I kept trying to sleep. Then Yukari dumped raw fish on me...and I tried to strangle her. "Hey, Kimiko!" I heard Kisame yell from some random place in the hideout. "Yes, Fishy?" I called back to him and Yukari used my momentary distraction to escape my deadly strangle of death. He suddenly appeared in my doorway. "Um...Leader contacted us and said that he had a...job for you, so..." he continued talking, looking oddly nervous. Should that make me suspicious of any possible bad intentions that he may be hiding...wait, what? What the hell did I just think? What I meant to think is : I'm hungry, I wonder if we have any leftover pizza from last night that didn't end up being stuck to the roof. "...and so- Hey, are you even paying attention?" "...no?" Kisame growled and I promptly laughed at him. "Kimiko!" he growled at me...maybe he's PMS'ing. "Yes, Kisame, dear?" I asked in a fake sweet voice. He growled again. I absolutely love annoying people. "Look, you have a mission! Deidara will fill you in about it later!" He then stomped off like a pregnant shark.

*Don't sharks swim?*

Yes...so?

*Then what you just said doesn't make sense.*

Who said what said where?

*What?!*

Exactly!

*I'm your conscience and even I don't know what the hell is wrong with you!*

Or actually, what's wrong with us since were technically the same person.

*Oh, whatever!*

I don't know how long I spent talking to...myself, I guess, but by the time I got to the kitchen almost everyone was gone...except Kisame. "Whaddup, Broccoli Swordfish!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Kisame, who had been going through the fridge, jumped and hit his head against the top of the fridge. "What?" He asked when he looked back at me. I gave him a 'duh' look before proceeding to get a yummy red apple. I bit into it but it tasted weird and then...BEHOLD! A WORM! I let out a very, VERY loud shriek and threw the apple at Kisame's head. Then I ran to my room to try and brush the weird taste out of my mouth. Worm does NOT taste good! I decided to take a quick shower and get dressed. I saw an Akatsuki cloak on my bed but I ignored it. Pain didn't let me wear a cloak because I would 'destroy the organization's reputation'. Like that could ever happen! I then walked back to the kitchen and found Swiss-Cheese-Sasori there with Deidara. He still looked uber pissed at the holes in his body...and I didn't care. "Whaddup Pinochio, Barbie girl." I greeted them and went to get myself some cereal. I then took out my pet acorn, sat it down on the table and stared at it with wide eyes. Sasori looked as if he was going to say something, "DIE ALREADY, ACORN!" Guess I beat him to it. I brought out a butcher's knife from no where and started stabbing it repeatedly...I'm still mad at it for falling on me! Hear that forest? I killed your acorn! So HA! "Well, I have to get going. Me and the girls have to talk about our plans for tonight. Bye guys, enjoy the rest of your day!" I called as I ran out of the kitchen. I heard Deidara scream something like 'insane-mental-psycotic-freak-that-kills-acorns-and-walks-out-of-the-room-as-though-nothing-happened! That is NOT normal, un!' I chuckled, messing with people was so much fun! I'm glad I let Yukari roped me into this all those years ago. If it hadn't been for that one prank, I would never have seen how lovely pranking people is! I owe my pranking career to her! She had managed to convince me to try a prank with her once and after that there was just no going back! Pranking became my hobby, then my job and then it became my lifestyle. "Waddup, ladies!" I called as I entered the living room, where all the other girls were, and sat down on the ugly couch. I looked at the others and noticed their worried-but-also-suspicious looks. "What's wrong with you guys?" I asked them. "The guys are plotting something. They're way too happy today." Yukari said while narrowing her eyes. "Really?" I asked and they all nodded their heads. "Hmm...maybe...nope, I got nothing." I said as I started counting the pizza slices stuck on the ceiling. "Well, whatever they're planning is obviously going to be bad news for us, so I suggest we...take them out." Ami said, saying the last part in a creepy deep voice. " I don't know, maybe we should wait for them to make their move. Then we'd know what to do and how to counter." Ah, Mai my awesome friend! That's why she's my friend! She's the only one of us who can pull off being crazy and sane all at once! I suddenly needed to glomp something cute. "Oh, Yuuuuki!" I called out to her in a sing-song voice. As soon as she looked in my direction I pounced her and hugged her very, VERY tightly. "C-can't...breathe...Kimi-chan..." she choked out and I reluctantly released her. Yuki was always so cute that not glomping her was practically impossible. "Hehehe, sorry! I needed to hug the life out of something adorable!" I said as I pinched her cheek. Yuki started turning red, she always did that when someone complimented her. "Noooo..." she whined as she swatted my hand away from her cheek. "Do not, and I repeat, do NOT pinch my cheeks! I'm not five! I'm not cute either, only babies are cute! I'm an almost-full-grown woman! Not cute!" she yelled while waving her hands wildly in the air. I heard Mai sigh behind me and Yukari and Ami giggling. "Are you laughing at me?" I asked in a nearly emotionless voice. "Um, nothing..." Ami answered. I stood up and Ami did the exact same, probably getting ready to run, but before she could even move I tackled her to the ground. She was lying on the ground flat on her stomach, while I was lying on top of her. "DOGPILE!" Yukari yelled and jumped on top of me. "Wheee!" Yuki yelled as she jumped on top of Yukari. I was getting ready to tell them to get off, until Mai decided that she wanted to climb Mount Psyco. She also decided to step on my face during the climb. "Aaaah! Biiaaatch! That was my favorite nose and YOU STEPPED ON IT!" I yelled at her. She looked at me with that 'I'm-queen-of-the-mountain' look before saying, "Don't worry I'll buy you a new one for Christmas." ...eff you, Mai, eff you! "Alright, pregnant elephants, OFF! NOW!" Ami hollered from beneath me. The others scowled and jumped off. "Did you just call us...fat?" Yukari asked as Ami stood up and dusted off some imaginary dust. "NoNoNoNoNo! I promise I didn't mean to call you pregnant elephants! I meant to call you..." Ami slowly started inching towards the door. Why the- "...pregnant WHALES!"...oh. And she's off, leaving just a dust cloud in her place. Yukari's eyes went white with anger. Oh crud. " AMI YOU ARE SO DEAD!" she yelled before running after Ami. Yuki and Mai shared a look. It was...THE look...maaan, if I thought Ami was dead before, she's even deader now!

*That isn't even a word!*

It is now, sucka! Wahahaha!

*What's wrong with you?!*

I'm crazy, duh!

*I give UP! You are hopeless!*

No...I am Kimiko.

*Why? Why did you have you be an idiot? WHYYY?*

I'm NOT an idiot! My brain just functions a bit slower than its supposed to! And stop yelling in my head! Go sulk in your emo corner!

When I finally snapped out of my fight with my conscience, Mai and Yuki were already gone. Oh snap! I better go save Ami an- OOH! LOOK! A COOKIE! I ran over to the cookie, but just as I was about to pick it up it moved away...MOVING COOKIE! MINE! I chased the cookie all the way through the hideout until I was outside. Eww! Cookie on the ground. Yuck! "Finally, un!" I looked up and saw Deidara with a fishing rod in his hand. "Are you ready for the mission, un?" he asked while glaring at me. "What mission?" I asked and Deidara suddenly looked ready to kill himself. "The one Kisame told you about!" Oh! "Nope, he never said nothing!" Well, I never heard him say the word nothing, soooo... "Urgh, whatever. Just put on this cloak, un." he said as he pulled out a cloak out of nowhere and threw it at me. "...why?" I asked. A tick mark appeared on Deidara's head as he started frantically waving his arms around. "JUST PUT IT ON, UN!" he yelled and I smirked. I was never sure if Dei was a boy or a girl. He had abs and muscles, which made him a guy since you can only get those types of muscles from testosterone. But he had such girly hair and he threw the worst PMS tantrums EVER! Even worse that Yukari and she is very hard to beat in that department. I just put on the cloak like he said - I didn't feel like being blown up today. He then had to help me onto the giant clay bird. Once I was sitting on the super squishy bird, he took off. I wonder where we're heading...

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Please review and let me know what you think!


	5. Goodbyeoh, HI!

Hey! Okay, so this chapter is a bit short, but tried my best, so no regrets about anything! I felt like needed to end the chapter there.

Disclaimer: I, crystalfox, do not own Naruto...but DO own Sasori! Muahahaha...no, not really...

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"The...wings on the bird go round and round!" I sang the song for the...Idontknowhowmanyitsbeen time today. Deidara was boring on trips...no wonder Sasori's always so bitter.

"Shut up, un! You can't sing!" Deidara snapped at me. "Old MacDonnald had a farm!..." New song! Deidara facepalmed. It didn't look like he hit himself hard enough though, so I decided to facepalm him as well! HARD! "Ouch!" Deidara stumbled backwards and fell of the bird. I heard a splash. Ooh, we were above water! "FOR THE SPILUNKINIS!" I yelled and did a cannonball into the water without any hesitation. "Wooooo! GO KIMIKO! YOU JUST JUMPED OFF A CLAY BIRD THAT HAD NO DRIVER AND WAS GONNA CRASH INTO THE SIDE OFF A MOUNTAIN!" I cheered for myself. Not far away from me was Deidara, looking pissed. Oops. I decided to start a rap

_"Your names Deidara you are blonde!_

_We just fell into a freezing pond!_

_Or maybe its actually a lake!_

_I could really go for some steak!_

Man, I should be writing this down! I looked at Deidara, who looked even more pissed than before. I pointed to a random spot behind Deidara "MONSTER SHARK! SWIM FOR YOUR LIVES!" I started swimming away as fast as I could while Deidara looked behind him. Psyce! Sharks don't live in lakes in the first place! Or DO they? O_O ... As soon as Deidara figured out what I was doing, I was already out of the lake and running for my life through a forest that I didn't know and was most likely filled with many dangerous animals and poisonous bugs. Always a great idea to do that! I kept running and running and running...then I got bored and decided to stare at an UBER huge apple that was growing on a tree. I heard Deidara come through the bushes behind me and quickly picked the apple and hid it behind my back. "Hi Deidara!" I said once he entered the tiny clearing I was in. "Kimiko..." he growled at me. I spotted a beehive on a branch just above Deidara's head. I had an apple...there was a beehive...do the math and that equals...blue, because redbull gives you wings. I saw Deidara get ready to charge at me and try and gut me, so I held up my hand to try and tell him to stop and not move. To my surprise, he actually listened! "Farewell, sweet apple! You were my one true love!" He looked at me like I was a confused weirdo and I through the apple at the hive and RAN LIKE HELL! I heard Deidara scream in a VERY girly voice. Plan success! I ran for a while until..."OOF!" Something, or actually someone, tackled me to the ground. "We have you, Akatsuki! You can't escape!" I heard some boy say. He was probably the one that tackled me...jerk. "Naruto! You should be more careful, she's Akatsuki! She might be planning something!" I heard a girl's voice. She sounded annoying. "HI! I'M KIMIKO AND I'M 'SPECIAL'!" I cried out VERY loudly and saw them sweatdrop. I heard two more people arrive. The boy, Naruto, tied me to a tree. "Okay, let's make this easy. Just tell us where the Akatsuki hideout is and no one gets hurt." a grey-haired man told me. "Poor no one, having to take the punishment for my crimes." I said in a dramatic voice. The Naruto boy grabbed me by the collar of the Akatsuki cloak. "Where do you live, lady!? You better tell me!" he yelled at me. "I live in a coconut. Its name is Sam." I said. The grey-haired guy sighed. "What's a teenager doing in the Akatsuki in the first place?" he asked. "Making everyone else suffer?" I asked. "We'll take her back to Konoha and have Ibiki interrogate her." he said. Oh? Interrogation? F! U!...N! "What's your name..." Pinky asked me and narrowed her eyes. "I am BroccoliSwordfish." I said with a straight face. Pinky's eye twitched. Yeah, I didn't like her. So what! "Your REAL name!" she yelled at me. I plugged my fingers in my ears. Wait, wasn't I still tied to the tree? Evidently, no, I wasn't. The ropes slid to the ground. "Geesh! Not only did I finally meet someone who's forehead is as HUGE as her butt, no she has screams like a banshee too!" I half-yelled. Pinky obviously didn't like what I just said. "Why you little-" "MOUSE!" I screamed, pointed to a spot behind her and ran to take cover behind Naruto. "EEEEEK!" I heard Pinky screech. It was so funny...she's scared of a mouse...weirdo.

"This is getting a bit out of hand." the grey-haired dude said. "Kakashi-sensei! What should I do about Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked, looking at his panicking teammate. I burst out laughing for no reason, causing everyone to look at me weirdly.

Why was I laughing? I had no idea! "Soooo...are you two dating?" I asked Pinky and Naruto with a wink. Naruto smiled, he obviously liked her. Suckkura(heehee) scowled, but blushed. "Oooooh! I get it! You," I pointed at Naruto, "like her. And you," I pointed at Suckura, "like him, but you don't want to admit it!" They would make a cute couple, but poor Naruto would have to deal with her EVERY DAY. Both of them turned scarlet. Muahahahaha! "May the flying turtle juice guide you on your journey of love!" I said randomly. Suckura was in my face the next second. "SHUT UP! I DON'T LOVE THAT BAKA!" she yelled, flailing her arms, which look like a chicken on crack. "Get your fugly face out of MY face, before I make it even more deformed!" I yelled back at her. Her eyes went white with anger(anime style, cuz its awesome that way). She moved to punch me, I ducked and ended up falling over. Somewhere in the process I also managed to kick her on her huge forehead. Hahahaha! I stood back up and pulled off the Akatsuki cloak, revealing my black t-shirt with red letters on it. Ironically my t-shirt said: 'I am attending the kick a bitch in the face day.' It was a quote I heard somewhere. I never found out who said it, but they were brilliant!

"I rule! I kicked the ugly monkey!" I danced around like the crazy person I am. Naruto looked at me and frowned. "But you just fell over!" he yelled. "I didn't fall! The floor just looked like it needed a hug!" I yelled back at him, causing him to fall over anime style. "You fell over backwards..." he said, sounding weirdly defeated. Kakashi decided that I'd caused everyone enough grief and knocked my out.

* * *

Now, the whole idea behind team 7 finding her and also Kakashi's line about a teenager in the Akatsuki are the ideas of , who is awesome! *round of applause for him*

I also appologize, AGAIN, for the short chapter.

Now, I only have one tiny request. This chapter is being posted on my birthday *2 December* and I only have one birthday wish... please leave a review! it would really mean the world to me!

Thanks for reading! Enjoy te rest of your day!


	6. My New Home! or is it a prison?

"I'm BORED!" Naruto whined for the 56th time today. Yes, I DID count. "Hi Bored! I'm Kimiko!" I said. Suckera looked at me as though was a loser and facepalmed. If only my hands weren't tied up by this stupid ninja wire, then I could facepalm her myself.

"Kakashi-sensei. Remind me AGAIN why we're taking a complete idiot along with us." she said, sounding very annoyed. "Hahahahaha!" I pointed and laughed at a tree...then I pointed and laughed at ms. Forehead herself. She growled at me, causing me to double over with laughter. Kakashi just shook his head and sighed. He was probably gonna knock me out again soon -» Kimiko naptime! But for now he just told us to keep walking. I suddenly got a brilliant idea! "Let's play a game!" Naruto seemed happy that his boredom was about to come to an end end. I liked Naruto. He was totally awesome...now if only Pinky could act more like him. "What kind of game?" Suckera asked suspiciously. "The 'unspecified-amount-of-questions-in-an-unspecified-amount-of-time' game!" I said happily. No one said a single word, so I decided to go first. "Do ninja's feel like throwing up when they stand upside down in the ceiling?" I asked. I wasn't a ninja, so I didn't know. "You're not a ninja?" Pinky asked me. Didn't I just say that? Oh, wait, she can't hear my thoughts... "Oi! Pinky! Its still my turn for the question!" I yelled at her. She scowled. "Umm, it does kinda feel that way sometimes." Naruto said. "Now, my question! Are you or are you not a ninja?" Pinky asked. "Nope! My sister is though. She's one of the best in Akatsuki!" I said happily. "Then why were you wearing an Akatsuki cloak?" Kakashi asked on his turn. "I have no idea, really. But I'm starting to think they wanted to get rid of me..." I said. Suckera just rolled her eyes. "I wonder why." she said sarcastically. "So do I!" I said happily. She rolled her eyes again. "So, then why are you in Akatsuki?" A boy with pale skin and short black hair asked. Naruto said his name was Sai. "Well, my sister didn't want to leave me on my own when they started Akatsuki, so she had me join. I'm not really a member though." I said. It was now Naruto's turn, but he looked like he couldn't come up with a question. "Uh...oh! I got one! Why...is the sea salty?" he asked. "The sea gets its saltiness from sad misunderstood sharks that just want to cuddle..." I said. Everyone fell anime style.

"I love being me." I said, feeling satisfied.

* * *

Yukari POV

I missed Kimi-chan a lot. Deidara made her get taken by some Konoha shinobi...then the guys decided to get revenge on us by making us their 'personal maids'. Without Kimiko to plan out what to do and who to face, we were pretty much screwed. I looked at Yuki, who was Itachi and Tobi's personal maid. She was wearing a red dress with a white apron, which didn't really suit her as well as the blue she usually wore. Yuki looked worried. I smiled weakly at her. I was wearing a green dress and white apron. I was the maid for Sasori and Zetsu. Basically we were the maid of whoever we fought when we infiltrated. Ami was Deidara and Kisame's maid and wore a blue dress. Mai was Hidan and Kakuzu's maid and wore a black dress.

"I want some more lemonade!" Hidan yelled and I could practically see Mai trying to incinerate him. I gave her a stern look, she replied with a defeated on and went to get the lemonade. We just had to wait until Konan got back. Then these retards would be royally screwed.

* * *

Kimiko POV

I could finally see the gates of Konoha up ahead. Once we got closer I saw two guys in green spandex. Weirdos. Kakashi seemed less than enthusiastic about meeting with them. "MY ETERNAL RIVAL! I SEE YOU HAVE RETURNED FROM YOUR YOUTHFUL MISSION!" Suckura, Naruto and Kakashi cringed. I think Sai was crying on the inside. I suddenly got an idea. "YOOOUUUUUUUUTTTTHHHHHH!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Kakashi and Suckera looked horrified. Naruto had miraculously disappeared. Sai was still looking fine. The dudes though, they looked ecstatic. "YES! THE FLAMES OF YOUTH BURN BRIGHTLY IN YOU! WHAT IS YOUR NAME?!" the taller one yelled at me. "KIMIKOOOOO!" I yelled back. I looked at Kakashi. "Who is that guy?" I asked. He sighed. "He is Gai." He said. "Well, yeah, he is a guy. But who is he?" I asked. "He is Gai." He answered again. "I know he's a guy, but what is his name?!" I snapped rudely. "He. Is. GAI." he said, sounding mad. "What the hell is wrong with you retards?! I KNOW he's a guy! I give up!" I said as I threw my hands into the air. I turned to the guy. "What's your name?" I asked. "I AM MAITO GAI!" he said, pulling a weird superhero pose. "Its nice to meet you, Gai." I said happily as Kakashi facepalmed.

Kakashi grabbed the back of my shirt and started dragging me somewhere. "RAPE! RAPERAPERAPE! RAAAAAAPPE!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, causing some people on the streets to look at us weirdly.

We arrived at the giant tower and I got dragged to an office. There was a big-boobed woman sitting behind a desk. "Hi, Grandmama! Long time no see! Rudolph has been looking for you! He said he wants his red nose back!" I said, causing her to look at me weirdly. Then she got mad. "Do you know who I am!?" she yelled angrily. "Do you know who I am?" I asked. She sighed and mumbled something like 'I'm gonna need a lot of sake after this.'

Yes, yes she was.

...

"So, let me get this straight. You live with the Akatsuki?" "Uh huh." "But you are NOT a member of the Akatsuki?" "Uh huh." "And you're not a ninja?" "Uh huh." I said boredly as I replied to all of the questions that Lady Tsunade, AKA the lady with the huge knockers, asked me. Everyone else seemed to be listening carefully for some reason...I wonder why. "Do you know where their hideout is?" Lady Tsunade asked. "Nuh uh." I answered again. Suddenly I felt something moving around in my pocket. "IM GOING TO DIE! ITS GONNA EAT ME! AAAAAHHH! ITS GOING TO- oh, hi Squishy!" I took the hamster out of my pocket and held him carefully. Everyone else had covered their ears at my little outburst. Once they all relaxed again they looked at the hamster quizically. "Meet Squishy the hamster! Squishy the ninja hamster!" I said happily. I lifted Squishy high enough for everyone to see. Cute little Squishy.

A girl with long blonde hair immediately came over to pet Squishy, going 'Aaaaawwwww!' the whole time. "Ino-pig! Get away from her, she could be plotting something!" Suckera yelled and 'Ino' scowled at her. "Shut up, Billboard-brow! I can do whatever I want!" she yelled. Man, I liked this girl already! Any enemy of Suckera's is a friend of mine! "Hi, I'm Ino Yamanaka!" she smiled brightly. "I'm Kimiko. Just Kimiko. Its nice to meet you!" I smiled at her and she smiled right back. Squishy made a little 'squeak' noise, making us look back at him. Ino tickled his nose lightly with her finger. Everything was so peaceful, until...

*BITE*

"OW!" Ino cried as Squishy bit her finger. "Bad Squishy! Don't bite the nice girl!" I scolded, trying to get him to let go. Now he was Squishy the vampire hamster...scary little thing...

Squishy let go eventually. "Sorry, Ino-chan! I think he's hungry." I said apologetically. I always knew this hamster was evil. That's why I picked him. Ino smiled at me. "Don't worry about it!" she said happily. I guess she didn't mind. Lady Tsunade glared at us. "Back to the interrogation!" she yelled. Man, this woman had a short temper!

After a few more boring hours of useless questions, Lady Tsunade told me that I was in the custody of Konoha and that I'd be staying there and that I'd need someone to supervise me at all times. She also said I'd be staying at some place called the Hyuuga compound, since the Hyuugas have some rare eye-ability or something. I was told to follow a blue-haired girl and her cousin, a guy that looked like a girl. I had a feeling that my stay in Konoha was going to be awesome!


	7. Playing Cupid Part 1

Kimiko Chaos

**Finally! A new chapter! YAY! This chapter is a bit boring I'm afraid. But its actually part of a larger chapter that might span 3-4 chaters. So sorry for not updating soon, Christmas vacation was hectic and I was spending almost all of my time at my cousin's house so updating was just a bit difficult. I will be trying to update more frequently, though**.

_**VERY IMPORTANT!**_

**Now, a very, **_**VERY**_** special thank you to AverageApple, who reminded me of a few things that I should've pointed out sooner!**

**This story has NO plotline whatsoever! I never even intended to make a story out of this! This is just a fun way to get all the crazy out of my system so it doesn't mess up my other stories. I don't want the random crazy to seep into all my other stories.**

**Yes, this character is a Mary-sue. To all of you telling me about this, congrats on stating the obvious. It's NOT a self-insert, it's a character me and my cousin created together. And please, stop COMPLAINING about her being a Mary-sue. I already know she is one and I really don't care. I don't have issues with Mary-sues so your complaints in regard to this aspect will be laughed at. Besides, if the original characters like Sasuke and Sasori can be totally awesome then why can't an OC be awesome too?**

**I know, the paragraphs on this thing are horribly wrong. I've been writing and posting all of my stories so far from my cell phone, so it's not easy getting the spacing right since my phone has a mind of its own. I've recently started writing on the computer, so it shouldn't be a problem anymore.**

**Sakura-bashing / Character-bashing. Yes, I am completely guilty. I won't even deny it. Me and my awesome cousin are both very immature, so I don't really care what anyone says about it. I need some 'bad guys' in the story, so I asked my cousin to pick. He picked Sakura and a few others, but they'll be making their appearance later in the story.**

**Now, I need a bit of help. If anyone's reading this, please tell me: Should Kimiko go back to the Akatsuki later on or should she stay in Konoha and annoythe Rokie 9 and Team Gai? I have no idea how to make a poll ( HAHA! ) so I need you to tell me what you want to happen in a review.**

**Thank you all for patiently reading through my long, silly rant.**

Playing Cupid Part 1

_**Blush! Hinata's little secret**_

Kimiko POV

I sighed for the seventeenth time today. Konoha was hot and boring. And when I say boring I mean BO-RING! I wasn't even allowed to leave the Hyuuga compound at all for the first two weeks of my stay! It totally sucked! But, being the awesomelicious person I am, I managed to annoy all the white-eyed little people into allowing me to leave the compound. Of course, the ANBU were trailing me the whole time so I couldn't really cause any trouble – that was really annoying since I was craving a good prank or two – but Lady Tsunade deemed it 'safe' to let me have a Hyuuga escort the whole time instead. We all know that the real reason was because I always managed to lose those pesky ANBU three times while I was out exploring the village. She also didn't put any females on the squad that was supposed to watch me, so I would always just sneak into the bathroom and escape through a window or something. And since Konoha's streets were always so busy, it made finding me so much harder.

I finally figured out what the Hyuuga clan's ability was, though. I was asking Hinata, my awesomely awesome escort, what it was. She told me about seeing an opponent's chakra and all that awesome stuff, so I asked if they could see through a person's clothing. Needless to say, sweet little Hinata promptly turned tomato soup red and fainted. I didn't catch her though… I was staring at an odd coloured rock. It was blue! Like cotton candy blue! Or maybe Konan's hair blue! But seriously, I had never seen anything so awesome before in my life, so I took it with me.

And here I was, with my blue rock and my awesome little hamster in my pocket, looking at a lake. I was getting bored very quickly. Ever since I came to Konoha, my crazy was starting to disappear. I needed to do something, anything, to lure back my crazy.

"Hinata-chaaaan! I'm bored! I wanna go do something fun and interesting! Like flirt with a lamppost!" I whined from my spot on the green grass. Hinata looked at me weirdly and tilted her head. "U-Um Kimiko… T-That just s-sounds…" she was trying to find a nice word that wouldn't offend me. I did what I do best and burst out laughing for seemingly no reason. "Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahaha!" Hinata stopped trying to think of a suitable word and stared at me again. "The world will be mine! All mine! I'll never have to share a cat with anyone ever again! All mine I say, all mine!"

Hinata gave me the usual 'WTF' stare that everyone gave me. "Hinata-chaaaaaan! I wanna go shopping for….. CLOTHES!" Hinata slowly nodded at me and I jumped up from my lying position to follow her.

Konoha…had a lot of shops. Seriously, A. LOT.

There were tons of people moving in and out of the shops, lots of people that probably weighed tons were entering and exiting restaurants. "Kimiko-san, w-where did you want to g-go?" Hinata asked me politely. "TO DA ZOO!" I yelled before doing an impression of a monkey. "Umm…no." Hinata said as she poked her index fingers together nervously. "Then… TO DAT SHOP!" I yelled before grabbing Hinata's wrist and dragging her to a random shop. I looked at the shop's name - it was called Perfect Paradise – and then back at the shop itself. There were mannequins of little children everywhere, which was, in my opinion, extremely creepy. They should've called it 'Paedophile Paradise' instead. Well, we were definitely ignoring this place. Uh oh, the store clerk is looking at us! He's walking our way! "He's coming for us! Run for your life, Hinata-chan! RUUUUUUUN!" I grabbed the innocent girl's wrist before running off in a random direction, screaming at the top of my lungs all the way.

"AAAAAAAH-oh, ice cream! Hinata-chan, can we get some? Please, oh please oh please oh pleeaaasee?" I asked while going onto my knees in a begging position. "Pretty pretty pretty please? Oh please?" I started to slowly crawl towards her, begging for the deliciously cold ice cream the whole time, before grabbing onto her leg and hugging it for dear life. "Please, Hinata-chan, say yes! It would be a crime against humanity not to! Please?" Hinata blushed as people started giving us slightly weird looks. "O-Okay, okay. We'll get some ice cream." she said as I cuddled her leg before jumping up. "Thank yoooouuuuuu! Now for some ice cream!" I pushed her into the nice, cold shop. There was an old lady behind the counter, smiling kindly at us. "What can I get the two of you?" she asked us nicely. "I want… STRAWBERRY! Because strawberry is awesome!" I yelled while bouncing up and down. I really liked ice cream. It was my happy food. I loved it more than I loved people. "Hinata-chan, what flavour are you going to take?" I asked as she looked at all the different flvours the shop had to offer. "I-I think I'm going to take a l-lemon flavoured ice cream." she said in her soft voice as she paid for her ice cream.

"Hmm… Hinata, why did you pick lemon?" I asked as I stared at the bright yellow ice cream once we reached the park. "When I was y-younger my mother always got me lemon flavoured ice cream for my b-birthday." she said with a small smile. "Hmm…really?" I know I just sounded like a retard, but this ice cream reminded me of something. "Y-Yes. I also t-took it because…" she looked down with a blush. Ooh! Hinata-chan likes someoooone! I must know who! "Yes, yes. Who does it remind you of?!" I asked a bit too…enthusiastically. Hinata snapped her head in my direction, looking totally shocked. I mean, seriously! People can't honestly think I'm THAT stupid, now can thay? …actually, don't answer that question. I don't really want to know. "How did you…n-nevermind. What m-makes you think it reminds me of s-s-someone?" she asked blush darkening a LOT at the last word. "Well, you're blushing." I said and she looked embarrassed. "I-I am?" I nodded at her before taking a lick of my yummy strawberry ice cream. It didn't taste like the ice cream Konan always got me, but it was okay I guess. "You pretty much look like Rudolph the red-nosed Raindeer's nose." I said. She looked at me weirdly again. "It's red." I said before continuing to eat…lick my ice cream. Hinata didn't say anything, she just nodded. "It…it reminds me of N-Nar-ruto-k-kun. Bright…" she said very softly. I stared at the ice cream, then at a very red Hinata, then at the ice cream, then at Hinata…

"You like him." I said smugly, feeling awesome about my new discovery. It was sort of cute! Hinata's blush somehow managed to get even darker. Before she totally freaked out. "N-Naruto-k-kun is coming this w-way! P-Please don't t-tell him! Please Kimiko-s-san." I looked to my right. And there was Naruto. Walking in our direction. Just like Hinata said. "Oi! Naruto!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Naruto looked at us and I heard Hinata let out a little 'eep'. I turned around, only to see a dust trail and no Hinata. Then…

*SPLAT*

Something wet and cold landed on my head. From the corner of my eye I saw some yellow traveling down the side of my face. Ice cream…in my hair…

"Hey, Kimiko-chan! Uh, what…how…"

Of course she'd accidently drop the ice cream on me. I should've seen it coming. But I didn't and now I had to make the best of it. "So…Naruto…do you like my new hat?" I asked as I pointed at the cone that was standing upright, like a gnome's hat. "It looks…" I didn't even wanna hear what he had to say about this. "Great! So glad you like it! Well, I gotta go!" and with that I started running off, hoping to get away quickly.

*SPLAT*

I lifted my head up and out of the strawberry ice cream in my hands. I sighed. I seriously need to stop hugging the floor…


End file.
